Mess I've Made

Look at the mess I made.

I barely got out alive,

I've still got the scars to show.

I can't say I never tried,

But it finally feels alright to just let go.

No more waiting around for things that will never be.

No more wishing the scars would fade.

Look at the mess I made.

I guess they said it would hurt this way.

I meant every word I said, no matter what I stand by that.

It hurt. I hurt. But no more wishing this was all just a bad dream.

I used to think the worst part was it was so hard to feel anything at all.

But now the hardest part is it’s so hard to actually feel for once.

No more looking back, No more waiting. This life is short.

But sweet for certain.

I always felt like it would be wrong to just let it all go,

But I finally feel like it’s the right thing to do.

I used to want the person that I used to be to come back to me.

But after it all,

I want to become the person that I know I can be,

Not the old me.

I'm ready to move on, to move forward. To just let it all go.

The sharp knife of a short life really shows you how short life can be.

To appreciate a little bit more, to give,

to show those most important to you how much they really mean to you.

You can give up; I did for a long time.

But there comes a time when you have to pick up

the mess you made and move forward.

Even if it wasn’t all your mess,

life has its ups and downs.

But you have to get up when it brings you down,

sometimes it just takes time,

sometimes longer than you wish it would take.

It’s sad that it takes a short life for you to wake up

and see reality for the first time in a long time.

Gather up your tears, life goes on.

no matter how hard it can get at times.

Because there will always be better days ahead.

Adam ....

i hurt. a lot.

You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on

Adam was one of my best friends. My heartaches that he went through his struggles alone.

i miss him and forever i will.

No Reins:Rascal Flatts

She left that loser in a dust cloud
Heart in his hand, chin on the ground
Cried her last tear for that clown
She can see a little clearer now
She said, "Oh, oh, I gotta go and find me"
Oh, oh she found the strength to break free

[CHORUS]
Like a painted wild mustang
Flyin' out across the open range
Finally gets to live her life that way
No fear, no fences, nobody-no reins

No reins

All she's ever felt is held back
She says, "It's kinda nice to hear myself laugh"
She's gonna do a lot more of that
She's makin' plans and makin' tracks
She said, "Oh, oh I gotta go and find me"
Oh, oh she found the strength to break free

[Repeat Chorus]

Oh, oh she's learnin' how to let go
Oh, oh whichever way the wind blows
Oh, oh she's learnin' how to let go

[Repeat Chorus Twice]

No reins

Just Be Me [Kirsty Hawkshaw]

Travel the world
Don't you come run away
From the person you are in your heart
You can be who you want to be
Make us believe in you
Keep all your light in the dark
Be searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
And make sense what you can see

Just be--
Just be

They say learning to love yourself
Is the first step that you take
When you want to be real
Flying on planes to exotic locations
Won't teach you how you really feel
Face up to the fact
That you are who you are
And nothing can change that
I believe

Just be--
Just be

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
That I am spared
It's inside me--
To just be
Just be
Just be

I was lost
And I'm still lost
But I feel so
Much better

Cause now I know
It's not so far
To where I go
That I am spared
It's inside me--
To just be
Just be

And flying on planes to exotic locations
Won't teach you how you really feel

Just be--
Just be

Grey Street [dmb]

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out onto Grey St.
And she thinks...hey
How did I come to this
I dreamed myself thousand times around the world
But I can't get out of this place
There's an emptiness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
But all the colors mix together
To grey, and it breaks her heart

Oh how she wishes it was different
She prays to God most every night
And though she swears He doesn't listen
There's still a hope in her He might
She says I pray
But they falls on deaf ears
Am I supposed to take it on myself
To get out of this place
There's a loneliness inside her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now,
It feels like cold blue ice in her heart
When all the colors mix together

It's grey, and it breaks her heart

There's a stranger speaks outside her door
Says take what you can from your dreams
Make them real as anything
It will take the work out of the courage
She says please
There's a crazy man creeping that's outside my door
I live on the corner of Grey Street
And the end of the world

Oh there's an emptiness insider her
And she'd do anything to fill it in
And though it's red blood bleeding from her now
It's more like cold blue ice in her heart
She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her
Using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together
To grey
And it breaks her heart...Oh and it breaks her heart
To grey, Yeah...

Survivor Psalm

I have been victimized.

I was in a fight that was not a fair fight.

I did not ask for the fight.

I lost.

There is no shame in losing such fights.

I have reached the stage of survivor and am no longer a slave of victim status.

I look back with sadness rather than hate.

I look forward with hope rather than despair.

I may never forget, but I need not constantly remember.

I was a victim.

I am a survivor.

Would you be proud of the things they say?

The Dash

by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend

He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of her birth
And spoke the following date with tears,

But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.

And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash,

What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what’s true and real

And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more

And love the people in our lives
Like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile

Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life’s actions to rehash

Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

© 1996 All Rights Reserved, Linda Ellis

Be content with what you have

Life is an adventure. I finished IOP at Turning Point, It was a good experience and I'm glad I did it and finished the program. Now I have a lot of time on my hands though, I'm so used to being insanely busy that when I actually have time I never know what to do with it. I still have court to deal with but they moved it back another 2 months so I just get to wait, lucky me. I highly suggest never getting involved in the court justice system, its a never ending experience, that is no fun. This will be my very last experience with court because I promised myself I'll never get in trouble again, and I mean that. I think I have seriously been dealing with court issues since 2007 and its now 2010. Once this last court issue is dealt with I am never getting another ticket or another run in with the police again. Its so not worth it, it never was. It took me a very long time to realize that when I would hang out with certain "friends" i'd always seem to get into trouble with the law. Took me getting arrest multiple times and going to jail for me to actually realize that, pretty sad. Luckily those people are out of my life and will be forever. Misery really does loves company, and sadly I was the company for those miserable people. But I got my life back and they are still drowning in their misery. I'm going on a Cruise with Ryan and his family, I really need the break, it will be nice to get away from all of this for 7 days. Theres only so much you can handle at a time, I get too overwhelmed if I think about everything I have to get done before the end of this year, but I will get it all done. I'm sick of having my past cling to me as I try to move forward. After this year it will all be left behind and I will no longer have to deal with it.

Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you. [Lao Tzu]

Lifehouse - Storm

This was played at IOP last night, It is a very powerful song.

[if you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it]

Life has been interesting. I just finished week 3 of IOP. It’s been life changing, I’m so glad I’m there, I wish other people would understand how much this is helping me and just support the things I am doing. I’m finally learning to be happy again, I’m finally realizing what issues are causing my problems. I finally understand new things about myself and others.

EMDR has been the best part; it really gets into your core issues. And apparently my core issues aren’t what I thought they were. But being aware of what they are now allows me to make changes in my life so that those stresses are affecting my life as little as possible. But by doing this I think its causes problems because some don’t understand. Which is fine, I’m happy and learning to lessen stress in my life.

School is supposed to start in 2 weeks; I haven’t decided what I’m doing for sure. I’m trying to do as much online as possible since I am working full time and doing IOP full time. My DMV court hearing is next week; I’m nervous but have a positive outlook about it. Then I have my Pre Trial hearing the week after. All I can do is hope for good things and positive thinking.

[if you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it]

Week 1: (July 26-30) What an exhausting week, but it was a great learning experience. I am in IOP for the next 7 weeks. Group Monday – Wednesday 6-9pm, One-on-One Wednesdays 9-10:15pm and Family Group 7-9pm on Thursdays. Add work on top of that and it’s a very long and tiring week. But I’m glad I am finally doing it. Soon I will be adding EMDR on Fridays, and then my week will be officially full. EMDR sounds so interesting I am very excited and nervous to start it. (www.emdr.com):

1. What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy treatment that was originally designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories (Shapiro, 1989a, 1989b). Shapiro’s (2001) Adaptive Information Processing model posits that EMDR facilitates the accessing and processing of traumatic memories to bring these to an adaptive resolution. After successful treatment with EMDR, affective distress is relieved, negative beliefs are reformulated, and physiological arousal is reduced. During EMDR the client attends to emotionally disturbing material in brief sequential doses while simultaneously focusing on an external stimulus. Therapist directed lateral eye movements are the most commonly used external stimulus but a variety of other stimuli including hand-tapping and audio stimulation are often used (Shapiro, 1991). Shapiro (1995) hypothesizes that EMDR facilitates the accessing of the traumatic memory network, so that information processing is enhanced, with new associations forged between the traumatic memory and more adaptive memories or information. These new associations are thought to result in complete information processing, new learning, elimination of emotional distress, and development of cognitive insights. EMDR uses a three pronged protocol: (1) the past events that have laid the groundwork for dysfunction are processed, forging new associative links with adaptive information; (2) the current circumstances that elicit distress are targeted, and internal and external triggers are desensitized; (3) imaginal templates of future events are incorporated, to assist the client in acquiring the skills needed for adaptive functioning.

I moved back home on Saturday. It’s a good thing, I need to save up money and buy a new car since mine got totaled a little over a month ago in a car accident, my back is still hurting from it but hopefully Dr. Brady will get it to stop hurting.

Hopefully this week will be even better than last week; Change is a very interesting thing.

[Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.]

365 Days

365 Days Project.

Starting: 5.10.2010
Ending: 5.10.2011

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life. [Albert Camus]

OMNI:Minus The Bear

OMNI by MinustheBear

Jacob Taylor Woodger

\

Jacob Taylor Woodger

1988 ~ 2009

Jacob Taylor Woodger was born August 31, 1988 in Giron, Columbia. Jacob came into our lives six weeks later, when he came to the United States and was adopted into our family. Jacob died in a car accident and was taken home to his Heavenly Father on Easter Sunday, April 12, 2009.

Jacob attended Skyline High School and graduated from both Provo High School and Mountain Land Applied Technology School in Orem, Utah. He also attended Salt Lake Community College. He was employed by the Training Table

Restaurant and most recently at Harmon's Brickyard Grocery Store. He was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a member of the Olympus 4th Ward.

He participated in soccer, football and scouting and coached a Skyline Little League Team where he was adored by the players. He loved his dogs, cat, car, hanging with his many friends and making memories with his girlfriend. Jacob's infectious smile will be missed by all who knew him.

Jacob is survived by his mother, Elizabeth Ann Woodger, and brother, Joshua Winston Woodger. He is preceded in death by his grandparents, Edward Winston and Norma Taylor Woodger.

Funeral services for Jacob will be held on Thursday, April 16, at 12:00 noon at the Olympus 4th Ward, 2675 East 4430 South, Salt Lake City, Utah, where family and friend are invited to call on Wednesday evening, from 6 to 8 p.m., and on Thursday morning from 10:45 a.m. to 11:45 a.m. prior to the services. Interment: American Fork City Cemetery.

The Thomas'

Pretty much i have the most amazing family ever
no matter what they are always there for me
they will do anything to help
they can always make me laugh no matter how bad my day gets
just a hug or a smile from any of them brightens my day
i think i've taken them for granted way too long and that needs to change
i have an incredible family and love each and every one of them no matter what!

Layne Orville Colledge

December 16, 1987 - September 10, 2008



Layne Orville Colledge, age 20 of Lehi, died Sept. 10, 2008 at a Salt Lake City hospital from injuries sustained in an accident a few days earlier. He was born Dec. 16, 1987 in American Fork, Utah, son of Aaron Reed and Stefanie Harding Colledge. He worked as a software support technician.

In his youth he was always an inquisitive and smart boy. He could always take anything apart, see how it worked and then put it together again. His favorite things were playing with his nephews, hiking, taking photographs of nature, especially of sunsets, his friends, his motorcycle, and mostly his WRX. He loved having the hood up and trying to coax a little more power from the motor.

He is survived by his parents, Aaron and Stefanie, a sister Nicole (Mark) Cornaby, brothers Kolby, Christopher, Trent. Nephews Kanyon Colledge, and Austin Cornaby. Grandparents Donna Colledge and Arthur and Karla Harding. Many loving aunts uncles and cousins.

Funeral, Monday, Sept. 15, 2008 at 2:00 p.m. in the Lehi 2-5-9th Ward LDS Chapel at 465 East 300 North, Lehi. Friends and family may call at the church Sunday evening from 6-8 p.m. and also Monday one hour prior to services. Interment, Lehi City Cemetery. Online guest book at wingmortuary.com.

rest in peace Layne

R.I.P. Layne, I love you.

Motorcycle rear-ends car on I-15

September 6th, 2008 @ 5:16pm

(KSL News) Two people were injured in a crash early this morning on I-15.

The Deseret News reports it happened just north of the Lehi Main Street exit around 1 a.m. Troopers told the paper a man on a motorcycle likely was speeding when he rear-ended a car. The force knocked off the cyclist's helmet and threw him from the bike.

Three more cars crashed as drivers tried to avoid the initial wreck.

The cyclist was flown to the hospital in critical condition. Another man went to the hospital with minor injuries.

Traffic was diverted off the freeway for about three hours while crews cleaned up the mess.